Today, many California couples choose collaborative divorce over traditional litigation. Collaborative divorce involves both spouses using professionals to help them negotiate fair resolutions to their divorce in a non-adversarial manner.
For example, a professional accountant or valuation expert might be used to help determine a fair distribution of marital property.
The collaborative divorce process
Collaborative divorce starts with you and your spouse signing an agreement to participate in the collaborative process. You may both have your own attorneys.
However, in this process, your attorneys must also agree to resolve your dispute through collaborative divorce. If the collaborative process does not work, the attorneys must withdraw and you must use a new attorney if you choose to go to court.
The collaborative divorce process generally involves a series of meetings to negotiate terms. You typically meet privately with your attorney to discuss your goals and then attend negotiation meetings with your spouse, their attorney and any professionals involved.
Benefits of collaborative divorce
Collaborative divorce is often quicker and less costly than traditional courtroom litigation. It is also confidential, which is an advantage is privacy is a concern.
However, collaborative divorce requires you and your spouse to trust each other and be willing to compromise. This is not always easy when emotions are running high.
Additionally, collaborative divorce sometimes seems like a good idea at the outset, but as you get further into the process you may realize that you are getting stuck and unable to reach an agreement. What started as an amicable, respectful process might be devolving into one involving personal attacks, stubbornness or unnecessary conflict.
Although terminating the collaborative divorce agreement and heading into the courtroom is an option, there are some alternatives you may want to try first.
Talk to your spouse
Before making any decisions, talk directly to your spouse. Many conflicts result from miscommunication or misunderstandings. Sometimes a direct conversation without attorneys or outside professionals can provide clarity and understanding you need to keep the process going forward.
Other times, a conversation with your spouse with a professional can help everyone get back on track. The conflict often is not about a specific issue with your divorce settlement, but an inability to understand each other, look at the situation objectively, cooperate and be willing to compromise.
Remind yourself why you chose the collaborative process to begin with and try to get yourself back into that mindset. A respectful conversation with your spouse could also get them back to this place.
Divorce mediation
If a conversation does not resolve the problem, consider divorce mediation. This is similar to collaborative divorce and involves you and your spouse meeting with a neutral third-party who guides you toward a divorce settlement. The mediator does not take sides but listens to both spouses and helps them resolve conflicts and come to an agreement.
Finally, be realistic. Sometimes acknowledging the collaborative process just is not working anymore and choosing another option is best. Dragging out the process when it is clear that no agreement will be reached can waste time and money. It may be time to explore other options.