There are a lot of benefits to the collaborative divorce process. It might save you time, money, stress, and your relationship with the person with whom you’ll still be co-parenting. But collaborative divorce isn’t right for everyone. For example, those who have been in abusive relationships may find that the power dynamics in their relationship with their spouse are too much to overcome, and merely coming face-to-face with the other spouse in such a contentious fashion can be dangerous. Many other high-conflict relationships just aren’t suitable for the process.
That said, you don’t have to forego collaborative divorce just because you and your spouse don’t get along. There are a lot of situations where the parties can work through their emotions and find a resolution that is fair to everyone involved. Of course, anger, frustration, confusion, and other emotions can threaten to derail the collaborative divorce process, which is why you might want to consider what you can do to deal with the emotional aspects of your divorce.
Coping with a spouse’s anger
As you navigate your divorce, there’s a good chance that you’re going to be subjected to your spouse’s anger. Although you’re not responsible for controlling how your spouse behaves, there may be steps that you can take to help minimize the emotional impact of your divorce. Here are some ways to do that:
- Figure out where the anger comes from: There’s a reason that you, your spouse, or both of you are angry. It may be related to infidelity or marital neglect, or it could be tied to a fear that unreasonable demands are going to be made during the marriage dissolution process. If you can identify where anger and other emotions come from, then you can better address the source before those emotions engulf what you and your spouse are trying to achieve.
- Stay focused: Remember that the collaborative divorce process is focused on untangling your life from your spouse’s in a way that is supportive and fair, and in a way that puts you and your spouse on the path to post-divorce stability and success. Keeping this perspective can help you and your spouse realize that the emotions that you’re feeling are temporary and that there are bigger things to accomplish than tearing each other down.
- Turn to your support: One of the best aspects of collaborative divorce is that you and your spouse are surrounded by people who want to support you throughout the process. So, if your or your spouse’s emotions are tied to the financial ramifications of divorce, then you or your spouse can turn to the financial advisor who has been brought into the process to discuss the issue that has caused concern. If someone is struggling with the emotional realities of marriage dissolution, then a therapist or mental health professional can step in to help. This network of support can help alleviate worries, thereby ensuring that you and your spouse can get through the process together and in a collaborative way.
Do you want to learn more about collaborative divorce?
There are a lot of ways to approach your divorce. If you want to try to avoid litigation and want to work with your spouse to figure out how to end your marriage on amicable terms, then collaborative divorce may be right for you.